Things Republicans Believe...

I got a kick off this entry from "Black Ambition's" blog (http://www.blackambition.blogspot.com/). The original link is here:

http://blackambition.blogspot.com/2005/08/this-made-me-laugh-things-republicans.html

And I reprinted the section below. It's only satire, so don't get anal (I meant that for the haters!).

Enjoy!

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Things Republicans Believe (satire):

1. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is a solid defense policy

2. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

3. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

4. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s and John Kerry did in the 1970s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

5. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

6. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

9. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

10. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

11. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

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The Republicans, especially the anal-retentive conservatives (And NO, I'm not a tree-huggin' liberal) REALLY needs to LOOSEN UP...